(Image Information: Night Sower
OUKid Source: Wikipedia)
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Get ready to read about the unexpected year that this OU student faces! Here's a link to my Storybook website: BOO-mer Sooner: Freshman Year
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Week 14 Extra Reading: Georgian Folktales Part A
I decided to do an extra reading this week, and came across Georgian Folktales! Below are the notes I took from some of the stories I reall...
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Welcome to my blog! ~~~ (Image information: Personal photo of myself from Camp Crimson - July 2016) ~~~ Hi! My name i... -
(Image Information: Night Sower OUKid Source: Wikipedia ) ~~~ Get ready to read about the unexpected year that this OU student ...
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(Image Information: Report Card Amboo Who Source: Flickr ) Two girls in their Organic Chemistry class had not done well on their pa...
Hi Sonali! I love your storybook so much! The site is beautifully designed and I really enjoyed how engaging your introduction was from the very start. It's really creative to pull folklore and ghost stories out of the town and school we all live in and attend — I hope to learn something new about OU through your stories! One thing I did wonder about — toward the bottom, you have some dialogue between Jill and Jane. However, both lines of dialogue are attributed to Jill, which makes it sound like she's talking to herself. Did you mean to have the last line come from Jane? Also, one small thing I wondered — did Jane's parents go to OU? If so, I feel like they should have known more about folklore or myths around OU. Overall though, I loved your start on your storybook and how well-designed it is — I'm excited to read and see more!
ReplyDeleteSonali,
ReplyDeleteWow! What a great theme you have chosen! Your site and layout is stunning! Your introduction starts out very strong with those questions. They really challenge the reader to make their experience personal. Your story book is the first one I have read with a preface! You did a fantastic job engaging your readers! I like the dialogue you incorporated. To make your introduction longer, you could continue the dialogue between Jane and Jill a little more to provide more insight into what is going to happen in your story book!
Your introduction explains that your storybook is going to be about Jane's freshman year at OU, and that you are going to be telling ghost stories, but I would like to have know more about what I am going to be reading. Maybe this is just me being eager to read more, so that is just a suggestion! You could give subtle hints into what challenges Jane is going to be facing once you begin writing those stories in your author's notes. I am excited to read more!
Hi Sonali! It was great getting to read your introduction! What a great theme you've chosen! I love the idea that the whole story is going to narrated by someone who just came to OU! So sweet! I'm actually a tour guide here so I considered doing my project on OU ghost stories as well but they honestly kind of freak me out lol. If you wanted to make your intro a little bit longer I think that would engage readers even more! I'm super excited to see how your project continues to grow! Great job and have a great week!
ReplyDeleteHey Sonali, good work! Great way to jump right into the story to introduce your characters and drop us in the middle of the action. I would read over the dialogue one more time, just to make sure it all flows together naturally. I was mainly struck by the mother's reply to Jane when she asks to hear about the scary stories. They did tell those stories or they didn't? How does that help students focus, because I would be freaked out and get out of there! Also, be aware of character names. Jane and Jill are two short names that both start with J's. To avoid confusion, you may consider changing one of them, unless there is a specific reason for these names which will come into play later. However, I am liking the characters themselves and as a reader, want to know more about them! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHello, Sonali! So far your story book is looking great! You chose some fantastic images for your page and the overall formatting is both easy to follow and creative. So I love that you chose sooner ghost stories as your topic! My best friend, Travis Grayson, is one of, if not the only, student on campus that is registered to give Ghost Tours and if you have not taken one I would suggest it! The Ghost Tours are a ton of fun, and for you it would potentially be one of the easiest ways to get information on OU ghost stories.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, back to your storybook! I think that choosing to begin the introduction and then add a dialogue was the best way to introduce your characters! I am so impressed with how well it flows and how excited it makes the reader to learn more.I honestly have no critiques. Great work!
Hi Sonali! I’m excited for your storybook! I am a huge fan of creepy stories and our campus. The first thing I noticed was your picture on the cover page. I like the picture, but I wish I could see all of the statue. If you hover over the pic and click header type, you can select large banner. I know it kind of dominates the page, but you should still try it and see what you think! I’ve just clicked on your intro and I really like the pic for this page too. I like the red background as well. It might be a little distracting while reading, but I think it adds to the OU vibe. I identify with Jane. I had jitters too and I wasn’t even moving on campus. Did her mom go to OU? I was wondering why she would know about ghost stories here. You wrote, “… maybe you could find out...” I think “maybe you could do some research” or “maybe you could ask around” might fit better. Just a thought! I like the bit you threw in at the end about her RA. It definitely gave a subtle start to your creepy stories. I can’t wait to see what you do with this project!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Sonali!
ReplyDeleteThis storybook is so unique! I have seen many different cool ideas, but this one definitely takes the cake! I did not expect to read a storybook that is set on our own campus. That was really exciting for me to read. I wonder what is going to happen to Jane? The RA, Jill, definitely looks like she will be a mischievous character. I wonder if any of these stories will be based on true events? I have always heard of people that think certain parts of OU are haunted, so that will be interesting to see. I think it would be really cool if you investigated some of the "haunted" building on campus. I also really liked how you used red and white font for the storybook. The application of the campus photos was also a really nice touch! Your storybook definitely looks very professional! Overall, I am very much looking forward to reading the upcoming additions. I will check back next week to see what you have added!
Hi Sonali!! I really enjoyed reading your introduction and I can not wait to see where you continue to go with this piece as we continue to move further into the semester! I also really love the way that you incorporated the crimson and cream into your page to really make the aesthetic match the story you are telling. This is obviously a story that any Sooner will love. What if, for a suggestion, you give a little bit of background on your characters? For example, why does Jane love Halloween so much? Why is Jill so eery? What do Jane's parents know of OU from their time there? I can not wait to read your OU scary stories when I come back to your storybook collection. I wonder if they will relate to those that they tell at OU during the Sooner Orientation Weekends at the beginning of every year.
ReplyDeleteHi there Sonali! It's super nice to meet ya! First off, Sonali is such a beautiful name! I really like the idea of Boo-mer Sooner! I think it is something you could really develop, especially since halloween is just around the corner. I think in terms of grammar and punctuality, you've got it all figured out. The only advice I have to give would be in terms of aesthetics of the website. I think the introduction you have (the small paragraph) could absolutely stand on its own on a page before the introduction. I personally have noticed that the more background information given to the reader, the better! Adding on to the more information thing, I would love to see the characters you have introduced thus far, be developed more. I think you could easily write 200+ words on just the character of Jane. I would especially love to see the character of Jill developed, as I really did not get the sense her being 'eerie' until you said something. Other than that, I am excited to read more! Happy Writing!
ReplyDeleteHey Sonali! I was just surfing around looking for a project to read and I saw it, "BOO-mer". After reading your title how could I not stop by and give it a read, I mean it is October and all. I really enjoy the photos of the campus on your introduction page as well as your homepage. I think that they are very pleasing to the eye and can be made to work with the stories. For instance if you have a particular setting in future stories you could add that picture to the top and then Boom right as the reader enters the page they may get the idea of what the story is going to be about or at least where it may be taking place. The page flowed nicely and was easy to read. I am going to really look forward to more stories as we near Halloween! Keep up the good work
ReplyDeleteHi Sonali! I really enjoyed your Introduction so far — I decided to read your Storybook because I'm writing about hauntings at OU for mine too. I thought your use of dialogue really set the scene for moving to college and moved the reader through those moments quickly but still with plenty of context. I think it would be helpful for us to learn more about Jill — what else makes her eerie besides her voice? Maybe does she sneak up on people or seem to appear out of nowhere? That could definitely be disarming, haha. Also, I believe the last line of the story might be supposed to come from Jane rather than Jill, but I'm not sure! I appreciate the brevity of the story, though I think you could add some more background on Jane to give us a sense of who she is, possibly through flashbacks to things she did in high school. Overall, love it! I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHi Sonali- I think that I have decided that your storybook collection is one of my favorites that I have gotten to look at over the past couple of weeks. You picked such an interesting topic and it's obviously relevant for all of us since we are OU students. One suggestion that I had for your piece, however, is that you could make the font more uniform throughout the piece. I noticed that there were random places where the text was italicized for some reason. I am not sure if this is something you were trying to do to draw attention to these particular parts, but it made it a little bit distracting to see things change like that all of a sudden. I also love that your piece is so fitting for this semester since it is fall and so close to Halloween!! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Sonali. I had not read any of your work before today! I realized that your project is the same thing as another classmate's, Dana. Are you two friends in the music department and writing on the same ideas? I think that that is a cool idea. That way, we can read similar stories but from different perspectives and writing styles. Choosing OU as the setting for your project was a good idea. This ensures that the OU students reading your tale can easily envision the imagery that you are trying to evoke in your storytelling. I have been around Holmberg hall a lot, so it was cool to read stories about a place that I have frequented. The only thing that I would suggest would be to eliminate some of the character's stuttering as it got a little repetitive. From even stuttering one time we can gather that Jane is scared. Good job on this story. I look forward to reading the next addition to this project.
ReplyDeleteHey Sonali!
ReplyDeleteI just read Dana's storybook so I was really excited to see that yours was also about OU's ghost stories! It's a great choice since your primary readers are OU students and we are definitely interested and can picture your story. You have designed your page wonderfully and it's really easy to understand and find your way to the next story. I like the contrast between the text with the red background and white background.
I also like that you used dialogue. This allowed the reader to get even more involved in the reading and really understand the characters more. I also enjoyed the cliffhanger ending of the first story.
My only suggestion is to go more in-depth describing Jane. We are given a brief description of her as a character, but since this whole storybook is about her and her ghost adventures, it'd be helpful to "know" more about her!
Overall, great job!
I can't wait to read the rest of your storybook! :)
Hi Sonali! First, I’d like to compliment your storybook page, it is set up really well. I was immediately engaged into your introduction once I started reading it. I think you made a great choice by talking about haunting stories at OU, I’ve heard a few myself but fortunately haven’t experienced any myself. As I was reading the dialogue between Jill and Jane, I was a bit confused cause I didn’t know who was talking at times so maybe you could clarify who is talking. I also wish the stories were a little bit longer that way we could get as much detail possible and make the story even better. Other than that I enjoyed reading your story and I’m really looking forward to coming back to your page to see the different stories you have and maybe learn a little more over the few that I’ve possibly already heard!
ReplyDeleteSonali, I really was intrigued by your storybook. I think the idea of a freshman coming in and seeking out these stories. I personally had not heard of this ghost story and knowing that it has some truth to it is scary. Something that may help your reader focus a little more is condensing the conversation between her and her friends. I got a little confused by all the different people talking. Or of you want to keep the dialogue maybe introduce the characters prior to them talking to Jane. I also felt like maybe focusing a little bit more on who Jane is as a character and also maybe her roommate. . We never really got to know her and why she likes haunted things. I am excited to read more this semester and I hope that you continue writing about true stories that really happened on campus. Overall you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteSomali,
ReplyDeleteI really like the theme of you project. I like the foreshadowing you put in the introduction about Jane “never experiencing anything scary herself”. It made me intrigued and excited to read on so I could learn about what scary thing would happen to her at OU. I found one part in the introduction that confused me, I think for the final sentence of the conversation between Jane and Jill, you meant to say “Jane replied” instead of Jill. I really enjoyed the first story you have in your project about the Hauntings at Holmberg. I am not a huge fan of scary stories and had not read the stories for the Campus Ghost of Norman. I like that not only do you get to hear a ghost story but you also learn some history about OU past professors. I cannot wait to read the rest of the haunted stories you come up with for your final project. Great job!
Hey there Sonali!
ReplyDeleteI am from the other class (Indian Epics) but I chose to read through your project because it sounded so interesting! I have written a couple stories with an OU theme as well so that drew me in. I also am a sucker for scary stories so it was really a win-win! I really liked the design of your website. I actually haven’t seen anything quite like yours so that definitely makes you unique. I thought it might be helpful to put a table of contents of sorts on your homepage. You could give the title to each story and maybe a little description so your readers know what they are about to get into! But your introduction and stories were so great! I definitely remember being terrified when I first came to OU so your theme really hit close to home for me! You have done a really great job!
Hi Sonalil!
ReplyDeleteI really loved the format of your project and how you alternated with crimson and cream throughout the story! I love that your project is so relatable I find some people's stories about outdated stuff I could care less about.
This story to me is very relatable because I would always go to the Union pretty late at night to get food after studying or a fun night out with friends. I never experienced anything haunted but I always have been a bit creeped out by the union.
Good job
Sonali, I had already read your first storybook story, so I just read your second one. I really like the idea of ghosts around OU's campus, because I can picture the scenes so easily! I worked in the Union for two years, so that place is like home to me! I have a couple of suggestions. Firstly, in the little introductory bit at the top of the second story, I would change some of the sentence lengths. Right now, it is a little bit choppy. Plus, you begin two consecutive sentences with the same phrase, and this is repetitive and distracting. Also in the introductory part, the phrase "what they had in store for them" doesn't really make sense. Who is "they"? I'm assuming the ghosts, but it is important to cleat this up. I like the flow of your story overall, but I think that it would be even nicer if you made longer, more substantial paragraphs to really draw the reader in with your writing style. Good job on this.
ReplyDeleteHi Sonali!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that I came across your storybook this week. I'm also writing ghost stories, so I was interested to see another person's ideas brought to life in stories. First, the layout of your website is one of my favorite ones that I've seen throughout the semester. I like how you chose to use OU as the setting, and of course use the beautiful pictures from our campus. The way that you told your stories allows the reader to picture what is going on easily, and especially for the readers who have been to these different places on campus. I like how you used an abundance of dialogue in your stories also because it adds to the suspense. Using the same characters for your stories helps with understanding the transition between each of them. Great work so far! I'm sure the rest will be just as wonderful.
Hey Sonali,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time reading your storybook, and I have to say that I am loving it! Your storybook feels like the perfect blend between storytelling and actual learning. It is really cool to learn about OU and its ghost stories, all the while seeing how the story of your characters progress. I feel that you provide very concise summaries of the ghost stories in your Author's Note, so much so that I don't have to go and buy those books that they sell at the Walgreens front registers about these ghost stories!
I honestly have to say that I have no real critiques for your stories! I might suggest that for your future stories is to keep rotating through different buildings, but do not be afraid to revisit some of the buildings you have already written about.
To end off, I also have to admit that, as a person who use to work at the Union at night at CrossRoads, it is really interesting/creepy learning about the ghosts of the Union. Great job!
Sonali, I think you made a great addition to your storybook with, “The Unusual Union” post. I think that the last sentence in the first paragraph could use some clarification simply because it was a little confusing on how you worded it. I really loved the dialogue in the second paragraph because it brought me back to my freshman year where I had some of the same conversations. I think you did a great job overall and kept the reader interested and spooked just enough. I think maybe making sure that the dialogue stays clear on what is happening would be a small change that would help clear up any confusion the reader may have. I overall really love your theme and stories that you put into it. I am excited to see what you write about next. You did a great job! You should keep writing even after this class!
ReplyDeleteHi Sonali!
ReplyDeleteI am excited to see what other story you have added to your storybook! I still love this theme, especially because it is so easy to relate to! I can picture U-singers in Holmberg chatting back stage and getting ready to perform! I love the diction you used in your dialogue, especially when someone was scared. I could hear someone stuttering our of fright when you used words such as "w-w-what."
In your second story, I really felt like I understood the characters personalities. Jane seems adventurous and her relationship with same is very relatable. I liked when he said "Jane, this isn't one of your crazy ideas to..." I have really enjoyed reading these stories and I cant wait to see what you do with your last ones!
Hey Sonali!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the layout of your webpage is fantastic! It is really easy to navigate and the color scheme is perfect for what its about. The pictures you also chose as your headers were very neat too. My one complaint about the layout would be the later colors in the story. They create almost a natural break when one is not needed or intended. Perhaps sticking to one color for the story and then using a separate one for the Author's Note would look better.
Now getting to the actual content of your stories. I think you did a fantastic job with your characters. Your introduction gives a enough information to the reader about Jane without being an excessive exposition dump. The story was also quite relate-able at points! Great work.
The alternating crimson and cream paragraphs are a nice touch. I can not tell whether or not I like the ending of the second story. It seems like the story was a lot of build up for no conclusion. The rising action itself seems a little forced. I do not quite know how to guide you into making the story a little more fluid, but I am sure you could figure it out if you wanted to. Here is a decent website I found on how to write a more suspenseful scary story. There are nine good points. http://www.writersdigest.com/qp7-migration-conferencesevents/nine-tricks-to-writing-suspense-fiction. My favorite point they give in regards to your particular story is the "Be Unpredictable" trick. I understand that you wrote your story based off of another. However, it would be much more enjoyable and suspenseful if you would not be so predictable in your writing. You could also create a good hero for the main character in your next story.
ReplyDeleteHi Sonali! What a fun project! Your layout is so great and I really appreciate that you took the time to incorporate your website layout into the project - great job! I also liked that you included pictures of the buildings - it's a big campus so it was nice having a visual to go along with the stories, especially since many of the places are places on campus I frequent. And the alternating between crimson and cream!!! SO fun! I really appreciated how much you summarized each story in your authors note - I'm a sucker for that because I can't tell what you changed if I never knew the original story to begin with. Your use of dialogue was great and I think really helped to bring all of us into your story! Overall this was a great project and you clearly spent a ton of time on it! Great job and good luck going into finals!
ReplyDeleteHey Sonali!
ReplyDeleteI though this project was very interesting. I thought about doing OU ghost stories at the beginning of the year but I decided to go another route. I loved how you alternate the background to be crimson and cream! That is so cool and such a good idea! It is crazy to me how many ghost stories are on OU's campus. I wonder if other campuses have as many ghost stories as we do? My favorite story was the one in the Union because I am there quite a bit and I had no idea it was haunted. There was a couple misspelling of words but nothing too bad where I coudnt read the story. I was happy to see Jane got out okay. Although to be honest sometimes I want a twist with a bad ending. I guess you through me for a loop when Jane forgot her burrito! That was the whole point of her being there in the first place.
Hi Sonali! First, I would like to say how impressive your website looks. I can tell you put a lot of work into and care that the readers are immersed into your stories. Horror stories and movies are my favorite so this website really intrigued me. In your first story, I think the most memorable part was how Jane reacted like a normal human would and tried to get out of the room. I feel like in most horror stories the characters always try to investigate when something creepy happens. The main question I had about this story is how Dr. Boggess died and if the other girl had also encountered her before. Knowing these details would add to the overall scariness of the story. What if you made the other girl explain some dark, mysterious way of how Dr. Boggess died? Adding these details would make it more like a classic horror story.
ReplyDeleteHi Sonali! I wanted to come back and read your story because I know we were both doing OU ghost stories this semester! I really liked how you had the same characters all throughout the story, and how each of the stories were connected — I structured mine differently, with each story being totally separate from the others, but I found yours really easy to follow and fun, because I knew a little about Jane and Sam's antics. I saw we both did a story about Holmberg Hall and Professor Boggess, and I liked how you had Jane actually read Jeff Provine's book to find out about Boggess and the hauntings. That was a really smart way to let readers know about the story without having to put it all in your author's note like I did. You did a great job, and I love the design of your site too with all the nice OU colors. Have a good winter break!
ReplyDeleteHey there again, Sonali!
ReplyDeleteI am finally getting to check out the rest of the ghost stories that you have been working on all semester! I was really intrigued by these the first time around, and I am happy that I get to revisit them. I really liked your final story about this Biz being haunted. I think we can all relate to staying there all week when it is open for 24 hours. This one gave me the creeps because I have walked around the decks before late at night. I cannot say that I experienced anything out of the ordinary, but I was definitely creeped out. It is such a claustrophobic experience walking around the decks. Everything is old and has not been touched in years. This definitely makes it an ideal setting for a scary story. I think that all of your stories were great! You did a fantastic job making the scenarios seem so real. I definitely hope that I never encounter a ghost on campus!